Isabelle Oberman

“Life is not a long, quiet river.”

After having been a saleswoman, activity leader, primary school teacher, and sales consultant, in 2005 I became a couples and family counselor. Today I am a teacher and couples counselor.

If these professional experiences have shaped the woman I have become, my private and emotional life as well as my relationship difficulties have led me to question the meaning of a couple and to turn towards training essentially centered on it. Through my story I realize how complicated it has been to find the right “shrink,” the right therapist — I would even say “the right person,” the one whose listening is benevolent, non-judgmental, fair and equal for both partners, knowing that they rarely come with the same expectations.

Marital counseling makes triangulation possible and helps rebalance communication between the two partners. A long journey through my relationship with different therapists will teach me that practice makes perfect! The therapist gives both partners a voice and restores mutual listening, but does not give advice or a “turnkey” solution. As a marital counselor, I ask questions, accompany, and move forward with those who consult me.

While respecting their pace. Setting aside my preconceptions, beliefs, judgments, and certainties. I am here to try to help:

• identify their difficulties
• put words, their words, to their suffering,
• express their complaints in an atmosphere of trust
• recognize their impossibilities .... express ... say ... communicate
• recognize the feelings of resentment
• initiate what will make it possible to put suffering, crisis, and deadlock at a distance in their affective, relational, or sexual life.

As a marriage counselor, I support and guide the personal journey of those who have decided to make a change. Through reproaches, grievances, and doubts, over the course of the sessions I try to help bring out the “beginning” of something “better,” a change, an unblocking, and if all the stages have been carefully gone through ... the resolution. Time and the relationship of trust with the marriage counselor are essential and conducive to this improvement. By definition, they vary according to each situation.

I receive in private practice any adult, young or not so young, individually or as a couple. There is no ideal time to come: every life stage brings questions, doubts, conflicts, crises, and new possibilities and new paths. Even when separating, talking about the breakup is possible — I would even say desirable.

No, “Life is not a calm river.” And fortunately!